HOW I OVERCAME DESPAIR AND FOUND PEACE, A PROFESSOR SPEAKS

‘For most of my life I was a happy person, but then a cloud came upon me that I couldn’t lift,’ says Africa’s first female professor of construction management, here recently mentoring a group of doctoral students at the University of Cape Town | Photos: Leentjie du Preez

Abimbola (60) is Africa’s first female professor of construction management, which she currently teaches at the University of Cape Town. The daughter of a Nigerian civil servant and a bank worker, the prof grew up with three older brothers in Lagos. She has three adult children and lives in Cape Town’s Rosebank

I HAD A VERY HAPPY CHILDHOOD and very good relationships with my brothers, who taught me most of what I know and practically did all my homework for me! My father was strict and wouldn’t let me board or join after-school clubs like my brothers. Looking back, I think he was afraid of things like teenage pregnancy, though he didn’t spell that out to me. I felt quite restricted and only when I became a parent myself did I realise how difficult the job is!

After school, I applied for architecture but the dean of the faculty earmarked me to be the first female on his building technology/construction management degree, and turned me down for architecture though I had the right cut-off marks. I felt cornered. My father found me a place to study architecture at a university near home, but when I thought of the freedom I’d have to attend parties and live my life by leaving home, I chose building technology after all.

I took the subject all the way through to a PhD, then married and had three children. As a working mother, I coped by involving my children in everything I did. In the construction industry, I took them on site, even as babies. I’d place the baby on the floor and go about supervising. When I moved to academia, I took the children to my office and gave them students’ work to review to keep them busy.

‘I coped as a working mother by involving my children in everything I did,’ says Abimbola, here with her son Bayonle, who’s currently studying towards an architectural PhD in Switzerland | Photo: Leentjie du Preez

My children learnt a lot and ended up helping me. In 2005, the day before I was due to defend my PhD thesis, my HOD asked me to include a PowerPoint presentation in it. I didn’t know what the heck PowerPoint was, and got home dejected. My daughter, aged 11 at the time, asked why I looked so sad, and I told her my problem.

Two hours later, she called me and said, ‘Mom, do you want the words to fly in or disappear?’ ‘What words?’ I asked. ‘Your PowerPoint words,’ she replied. She’d put my whole presentation in PowerPoint! The next day, she came to my thesis defence in case I had problems operating it. Over the years, my kids have helped me learn digital technologies, how to navigate social media, install WhatsApp, Truecaller and use ChatGPT effectively. They’re a godsend.

put your foot down

But it’s not easy being in a man’s world. Whether it’s the workers on site or academic circles, some people question my authority. In industry I tell the workers that I’m the one paying and if they don’t do what I ask, they’ll be off the job the next day. You have to put your foot down. This can be risky: it’s quite easy to be manhandled by workers who have a grudge against you, though that’s not limited to women. In Lagos, I learnt that a male supervisor was thrown from a five-floor building by workers. Luckily, he landed on a pile of sand and survived despite serious injury.

‘It’s not easy being a woman in a man’s world. People question my authority,’ says Abimbola | Photo: Leentjie du Preez

Women make up 52% of the population in South Africa but in construction management there are only around 12% doing the technical work. I think it’s important to have women in construction because they bring a different experience of a building, even down to putting a hanging rail a bit lower so women can reach it. We have such housing and infrastructure needs in Africa and if more women were being used, we might have enough hands to provide it.

For most of my life, I was a happy person. But in 2004, I fell into a dark space. It was as if a cloud came upon me that I couldn’t lift or explain. I couldn’t sleep or work, and just kept thinking negative thoughts.

Despite attending Christian schools and church at times, I’d always argued against the existence of God. But now I felt out of options and found myself praying and praying to Jesus to overcome the depression that was traumatising me. My cousin also asked a pastor from church to support me. This pastor had also been through tough times, having lost his wife to childbirth, but he counselled, encouraged and prayed with me regularly.

‘I’d always argued against the existence of God but I found myself praying and praying,’ says Abimbola | Photo: Leentjie du Preez

Things were bad for four months until, on 31st October 2004, I went to bed and had a dream of pots being shattered and souls being freed. I woke up and, though it was raining heavily, a bright light appeared at my window and appeared to drag off a net that seemed to be wrapped around my body. I then fell into a very deep sleep and, by the time I woke again, my heavy cloud had lifted.

I got my life back!  I was able to go back to work. I took no medication but had a new thirst for what life can bring. Amazingly, my pastor said he’d had that same vision that night of souls being freed. I believe the white light was Jesus coming to heal me, to spur me back onto the right path. He really came in for me. Later, I got a great opportunity to work at the University of Cape Town. This too feels like a miracle that came straight from God.

‘I believe Jesus healed me,’ says the prof, here with a post-grad student | Photo: Leentjie du Preez

I feel very fortunate to have had a personal encounter of God. I believe in Him because I encountered Him. I have learnt that your own strength, plans and thoughts can’t solve every problem: I couldn’t have healed myself. It may be harder for people who haven’t encountered Jesus to believe, but I would say if they don’t investigate, maybe they’re making a mistake.

These are uncertain times and it’s easy to be afraid. Having encountered Jesus gives me a sense of peace. I’m able to face each day with hope. I still feel fear but he has the best for me, so I take on challenges of which I might otherwise be afraid.

I was supervising 18 students this year, which is a lot, and then another came and asked me to supervise him too. It was a crazy thing to do, but I took him on so he could get the help he needs. I believe that, as with other challenges in my life, God will create the space for me to help him, no matter how difficult or tight my time is. I might cling to the slippery slope by my fingertips at times but I’m so comforted by knowing that I have a God who listens to my prayers and is there for me.”♦

Home time. ‘I’m so comforted by knowing that I have a God who listens to my prayers,’ says Abimbola | Photo: Leentjie du Preez